Home life..

My life so far has revolved around sleeping, eating, facebooking, blogging and rotting away in front of the TV. Hell YEAH.


Something quite liberating of course, after the horror of horrors that is AUSMAT. I can tell you that.


Just me, a bag of chips, and sweet, sinful, debauchery! MUAHAHAHA....
(well, not exactly.. but still.. just let me have my rockstar moment will ya.. ^^)

In a nutshell—i’ve been unproductive and lazy and I’m LOVIN it. What i don’t love is me being nagged and treated just like a kid again. Because you can’t have free home-cooked food, clean laundry, Astro and fabulous internet connection without a CATCH. Because there’ll always be a catch.


And the catch for me is—I’ll be reduced to a spoiled little kid again in the eyes of my parents. Always being asked what time I slept last night, what time I woke up this morning, what did I do today... And if i slept late—here comes the melodious music that is my dad’s sweet, beautiful lecture..it’s all very.. VERY ,a teensy wincy bit annoying.


I guess it’s something hard to adjust to. It’s been a long one and a half years since i’ve been truly nagged or lectured. Living in BU has certainly made me closer to my parents—as in appreciating what they sacrificed for me and their constant support during the hard times. Jeez.. absence does make the heart grow fonder.


But living at home makes one a little claustrophobic. I feel stuffy, i feel watched—monitored. The catch is i lose my freedom. The catch is me having a VIP front seat to my parents’ “musical recital” which revolve around central themes such as me having bad living habits, me being unproductive, me being... and so on and so forth.. Nod Nadon, NOD.


Oh dangit.
Well, i guess you can’t have everything... Just enjoy the bag of chips and CSI: NY you fat, lazy woman.. Haha. I just feel that i’ve been so tense for soooo long. I’ve been stressed and i worked my ass off and i worried and worried and worried and yes, i believe i deserve to let myself transform into a lazy whale.. At least just for a few weeks. Cut me some slack people.

I remember when i was in my teens, i almost always had fights with my father. Let’s just say my mouth “takdak insurance”. Haha. Maybe it’s because my father and i are so alike. We both have huge egos, we both don’t want to back down, we both believe strongly in whatever we believe in. We’re both childish.

Looking back, i wouldn’t change a thing. Because i still feel that every “kurang ajar” thing i said was true. I just said what everybody i n the room was thinking. Something that even my mom wouldn’t dare say but i said it anyway. I even got slapped once. Sometimes dad and i wouldn’t talk for a few days. Awkward, but i never, ever said i was sorry. Because i felt that i did nothing wrong, i said the right thing, i stood up for what’s right. Teruk kan?


And now i realise.... i’m still right. I didn’t agree with dad’s sexist and racist remarks. Haha. But i was WRONG, wrong wrong in not having made an apology to him for my words. It’s only common courtesy.. No, actually it’s my DUTY, as a daughter to at least apologise for all the words i said that might have hurt my father.


But i don’t know how to do that. Maybe i don’t have enough maturity or charisma or whatever it is to swallow my ego and make amends to the old man. Even in Hari Raya we just salam but i never said anything.


So nowadays, I make it up to him by holding back my tongue—Even when i have the strong, irresistable urge to give him a piece of my mind. So far me and dad don’t fight as much. I just take it all in..or i’d just go into the next room before i say something i’ll regret. Maybe it’s due to my guilt for the previous years of talkbacks. Or maybe it’s me, mellowing down to accommodate my parents—or maybe it’s stupid old “maturity”.. MAYBE. I don’t know. What i know is I just don’t want to fight anymore.


Sometimes its best to keep quiet and let it be. Suan Le. Besides, being silent doesn’t mean you’ve lost the fight. It just mean you choose to not fight. Or something like that.. whatever.


So there i was, sitting in front of the TV with my fried ayamas chicken. Channel surfing and watching reruns of Friends. Lucky bastard. Then in the evening i’d watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” with my parents. I want to avoid having any arguments with them. I just want to enjoy and cherish my moments with them, because next year, god willing—IF i get to fly—i know one thing i’m gonna miss is this moment. Where all four of us in the family sit together, poke fun at each other, and just laugh at something funny on the TV.


And of course—the thing i’ll miss most is my parents’ good ‘ol nagging. :D

Packing, folding, and moving on..

I know i should've updated my blog ages ago but... *excuses excuses excuses...* eheh. (^.^*)

I know also that i should be writing a more heartfelt or at least sentimental post to commemerate the ending of my AUSMAT course.

I know all that,

and i'll prolly do it later.

There's so many things i'd like to say to my coursemates! :) hoho.

But for now,

I just feel like writing. yaknow?

Writing something, anything-- in this moment right here right now.

I'll probably be the last person to leave this house, since now there's only me and Tati left. And her parents are coming in a few minutes..

My room's all empty excluding my pillows and laptop-- and I feel so serene i don't know why. I'm happy to be coming home and seeing my family but another part of me cries silently inside.

I'm gonna say the most obvious and hideously cliched thing about this place-- I'm going to miss it. Everything about it--

The people, OF COURSE

My bed, oh so definitely

The cats (named sexy and gorgeous) , for sure

The pak guard baik, (Ya, you know which one.. hahahahaha)

The park (ehh.. not so much)

The dog who used to stalk me, i'll always think of you

One Utama, for the food court nasi ayam

and last but not least,

KBU, just; for everything.

I couldn't have imagined the house being so quiet and EMPTY as it is now. It's all very surreal..

It's hard to believe i'm actually leaving this place; for good. Actually i still can't get over the fact that i've finished AUSMAT even. haha. Everything's just so unbelievable to me-- especially events in these last couple of days. For instance the gala night dinner, and the graduation ceremony.

They were all wonderful - but always, in both events; tinged with sadness.

Because despite the fact that THIS was the sweet release we've all been waiting for--the finish line of a long and hard-fought war/marathon--we know we're going to miss it.

Saying goodbye to AUSMAT is like saying goodbye to an old friend. A difficult, annoying, unreasonable friend; but a friend nevertheless. One which have taught us a lot-- not only about Chemistry, Physics, English, Maths, and Economics--- but also, most importantly about life.

I don't know any AUSMAT student who has't been changed or at least moved by this course.

The seniors told us it would be diffcult, but of course we didn't notice. We heard them but we never really listened, did we? We thought we could do it, but we never really knew what we were in for. Haha.

AUSMAT has made me cry so many times i lost count already. (*-.-) Hurah. Haha. I used to be a cheerful person but AUSMAT changed that--i think in some ways i become more emo and less optimistic than before. But eventually the hardships i faced in this course made me stronger, until eventually in the final leg i didn't even feel sad that i got bad marks despite the hard work.

It was really a growing up phase for me. AUSMAT made me grow up a lot--especially in terms of picking myself up and going for it all over again. Because eventually you realise there's no point in mourning over what's already happened, the best step is to dust off the dirt and start running again.

What's funny is you always hear that and you think "oh yeah, just pick myself up again. Got it". But obviously it's easier said than done. You say that, but you can never really know how you'd react unless you're experiencing it yourself. It's harder when you're the one in hot water. Really it is.

I also learned a lot about myself throughout this course; how i'd react in certain situations, what kind of learner I am, how easily agitated i am, how patient i am, how bold i am, how stupid i am.. and so many more. And for that i'm forever thankful to AUSMAT.

Despite all the tears, i wouldn't change a thing. Nope, not a single thing.

Goodbye room no. 5, goodbye house 69, goodbye AUSMAT.

I'll miss you and thanks for the spank in the as$ and the push to succeed.

;)

I'll lock the door now.

The trough period..(my week in review)

~Smooth seas don't make skillful sailors.~
-anonymous-

Oh, the trough period. When will the boom period ever come...? ^^

I think this week has been one of those weeks which i fear most.
THREE exams and a maths assignment to hand in by the end of the week.
All three exams involve calculations (o yea!) which

a) I'm not good at, and
b) I'm good at but will always find a way to be CARELESS. haiya.

As predicted-- i messed up physics (surprise, surprise). Plus my chemistry and maths are VERY so-so. Not to mention my last topic test for econs was the worst marks i've gotten for econs so far. (and i really worked hard for econs!)

I don't know what else i can do to improve my marks. It seems that whatever i do, and no matter how hard i try the marks just won't budge. ish.

But that's ok.
Tati said it doesn't matter what the results are,
what matters is you don't give up.
I can't believe someone who likes the JONAS brothers and miley cyrus and high school musical can be so full of straightforward wisdom.
Tati's right.
i believe you, taton.
It's beautiful how the littlest things people say to you can touch your heart the most.
If only miss jenny had the same motto.
haha.
I am AFRAID of that lady. seriously.
She gives me the heebie-jeebies~~~. (o.O) ooh.
Not her fault though.

To add icing to the cake (of crappiness), I found out last night that my beloved grandma has suffered from a stroke. She was found lying on the floor of the garage- unconscious; by her maid.
Doctors said there's bleeding in her brain.

Had to transfer her from hospital to hospital because they didn't have the equipments or specialists to treat her. What the duck. This was the same thing we had to go through two years ago when my other grandma was sick. (She died last year.) Shows the true state of our health facilities in Malaysia.

I can't take having two of my grandmas die in two years! Please let this grandma live God..

So what did i do?
Lied on the bed and cried. Then prayed.
Then went to shower and cried for another hour. Then prayed again.
Realised that we as mere humans are only able to pray and hope. And TRY (to some extent.)
But the final decision is up to God.
I feel so helpless.
So human.
(-.-)

I guess it would be unfair to say that my week SUCKS (with a big fat capital S) entirely.

Because there were moments that i loved living.
For example EALD class.
KBU idol was fun.
Because:
a) I got to be Paula Abdul :D
b) I got to give comments that are only said to make me look smart
c) I got to say the word 'crap' many many many many times
d) Sarah was a wonderful Simon and Leong was nice-guy Randy. XD
e) Franky as Ryan Seacrest was PRICELESS
f) Atiqah was the KBU idol and i honestly believed she's better at talking than any of us on the judges' table. Gaha.
f) Everybody had a good laugh and released their stress for a while

I like the last point the most.
AUSMAT's been corroding us slowly but surely everyday. We needed a laugh.
EALD saved me, at least. It gave me reason to go to class every week.
Going to EALD class never fails to give me that little spring in my steps and a small joy in my heart.
(seriously, it's the only subject i don't suck in.)

And, at the risk of being labelled a suck-up; i'd like to thank Mr Derrick for his infamous SARCASM and dry, evil humour. It never fails to amuse me. Haha. Bodek,bodek.

So yeah, eventhough this week was generally suck-acious (yep, it's a WORD. Wait, no it ain't) I'm counting my blessings and just trying to move on-- getting through this week as best i can. Just trying to keep on running until i'll finally finish this god-forsaken marathon called AUSMAT.

No matter what, i'm gonna get there. I'd crawl all the way if i have to. I'd drag myself with my own two fingers if the situation arises. I'll crawl with my tongue if i have to (beautiful image, i know). I'll never stop running until i'm done with this thing.

Bring it MOCK EXAMS!
Bring it!
Give it to me!
Hai-yah!

~The lesson is in the struggle, not in the victory.~
-anonymous-


PS- all the best to my friends, classmates, and also those who i don't know but pretend to know. ^^ G'luck.

PPS- Please pray for my grandma..

Do It Anyways..

I want so badly to be able to do this right now..Damn you ausmat. Damn you.

~A wise advice from Mother Teresa~

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

True.
I should remember this more often..

PS- speech? Certainly not my best . Essay? suffered from vertigo while doing it. (no seriously, apparently it runs in the family.)
Aiyo mama..

Do it anyways...

What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?

My mother is the epitome of an amazing talker. I'm not exagerating~ It's true. Everytime we go to social events, i'd be amazed by just how easy it is for her to talk to almost anybody that passes her way. Even complete strangers. Even complete jerks. Even old grannies. Even little 5-year-old children. Of all the things i'm proud to say of my mother, i'd be proudest to say that she is a talented conversationist.

I, on the other hand, am the epitome of a horrible talker. I'm not exagerrating~ It's true. (Just when you thought you'd had enough of my self-deprecation. Here's ANOTHER one.)
I can't stand going to social events because, well, maybe I'm just antisocial.
That's a lame excuse; and i know it's not a true excuse. The real reason is, of course, it's just hard for me to talk to people. And i have no idea why.

Seeing me in conversations is like watching a wolf being skinned alive in slow-motion. Oh the humanity..! Oh, the blood-curdling awkwardness..!

Oh, the scattering of my brain on the ceiling...

(that's why during social events i'd just really eat a lot; so as to avoid embarrassing myself in conversations with people. That way, when people start talking to me; i'd just stuff my face and nod in agreement to whatever they're saying. Easy. Simple. Painless. Just run to the buffet table when things get awkward! (*.*))

Alright, enough of selfish me, me, me...

So, yesterday Derrick asked us to write on "What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?" i'm quite clueless to be honest.

Well, not exactly. Of course i can easily say that it's because of the generation gap, or people's own mentality, or their sorroundings.. or any other logical and politically-correct reasons that can earn me some delicious marks in an essay.

But truth is; sometimes we just don't feel like talking to certain people. It's not because we think we're better than them, or because of our past--

Sometimes.. some people just give us this certain kind of aura..
So.. my reason for what makes it hard for us to talk to each other is the aura. The aura we get from the person we're talking to or are about to talk to-- determines our willingness to converse with them. Well at least that's the main reason.. Yes i do believe so.

Sometimes I find it so easy to talk to certain people; however with other homo sapiens-- i'm speechless and clueless on what to talk about with them. It's all in the aura..

In no way do I look down on those i can't seem to talk to-- it's just that; maybe i don't know where to begin or how to act in front of them. These insecurities are the chains that hold us back from having a great conversation with certain people.

Some might say that the language barrier prevents us from talking to each other; but this is contradicted by Mr Shi and Madam in "A Thousand Years Of Good Prayers". It is obvious their command of English is far from perfect, but because they feed off the good aura they get from each other, they are able to talk affably with one another as if they've been friends for years.
This contrasts starkly with Mr Shi's relationship with his own daughter; they have such bad aura between them, that it's a struggle to even have a good conversation with each other.

How ironic and sad.

To make my post sound more academic,(*-*), i'm forced to generically say that our past relationship with that person hinders us from talking to them. Yunli could not seem to get over the fact that her father never really talked to her during her childhood-- so when he started talking to her-- she somehow takes revenge on him for all the years of his emotional neglect.

Maybe the father deserved it. Maybe he didn't; but Yunli's silence speaks volumes on how she feels about her father's past treatment of her. It's hard for Yunli to forgive her father's mistakes; as it is hard for her to open her mouth and just talk to him. She has not forgiven him. Not yet, not even after 12 years.

Another (generic!) reason would be the fact that our culture prevents us from expressing our feelings and talking openly with certain people. Yunli's Chinese culture does not put good light on women who talk so freely in front of men. As her father said, "a good woman should not ask such direct questions". Therefore, maybe when her father comes into her life so suddenly after 12 years-- Yunli feels awkward to face her father. Her father represents her own Chinese culture; one which she has long forgotten and neglected after living in the US for so long. She does not know how to react to him; or the chinese culture he represents.

So kids, talk to your parents.

The end.

(I aknowledge how obvious it is that i got lazy and couldn't come up with a more meaningful conclusion. Hurah. Besides, i hate academic writing. It's pompous and pretentious and well i just find it a little boring. Haha, *whine, whine, whine...***)


*edit*

Oh, and the idea of an "emotional wall".

I believe that sometimes we put up walls around us to find out who'd care enough to break them down. The only way to break the silence and "emotional wall", is through being fearless and by discarding all our insecurities. WE ourselves have to gather enough courage. Courage and self-confidence, enough to break down our own walls and climb another person's.
(Easier said than done though).

How I admire those who seem to be able to talk freely with anybody. It shows that they have courage-- they are not afraid of getting hurt-- they're not afraid of falling from the climb.

Happy Anniversary~

I just found out that today is my parents' 20th anniversary as a married couple..

Uhm, ok.
i just ran out of ideas.

Well that was quick... (*-_-)

Actually I was meaning to write a nice, warm, fuzzy, heartfelt post as a dedication to my parents. But i don't know where to start.
Or even HOW to start.

O_0 errrhhm.

I guess i'll start by saying that they're wonderful parents. (Haha.. not original, but TRUE. to a certain extent. eheh.) For 19 years they had to put up with a stubborn, annoying daughter, and still didn't regret producing her-- so that's an achievement in itself! Walaweh..

So,
Marriage.

I think my parents taught me a lot about marriage. Just by the things they do and the things they didn't do. Some by the things they say- spontaneously and (most of the times) subconciously..

For instance~

Case 1

(After a six-hour drive back to kampung last year.)

Dad: If only you had your driver's license. I'd let you drive when i'm tired.

Me: Why don't you just let mum drive? She always offers but you never accept.

Dad: Haha..... she doesn't know- and don't tell her ah, but i don't trust her behind the wheels. Too reckless.
But don't tell her ah.. . ^^

Me: Ha. Ha.

(Some other time)

Mom:... blablablablabla..yadayadayadayada.. besides, your father never lets me drive when we go balik kampung. He doesn't trust me..I know it. (rather matter-of-fact ly)

Me : (in my head) Ah. The beauty of this.. She always knew.

Me: Ha. Ha. And yet you always offer..

Mom: haha. And yet he's the one who always gets into accidents.

Basically it showed me that love is all about acceptance, and, well, playing dumb even when you know. (does that make sense? ) My mother knew my father didn't trust her to drive, but she wasn't offended at all. She just, accepts it. My father knows my mother drives badly, but he just, doesn't tell her..

Ah. Compromise..

Case 2:
At mom's office one day

Me : hey what are those things on the top shelf?

Mom: Flowers. Your father sent me.

Me: Wah.. all of them? But they're all dead; and scary-looking; and creepy-looking; and... i ran out of adjectives..

Mom: ...... I just feel it's such a shame to throw them away

Me: But, i can see wasps making their hives on them. (No seriously; WASPS).

Mom: .......

Actually before that i never knew dad even sent mom flowers. (BIG bouqets). I thought that was sweet. What's even sweeter is that my mom still keeps almost every single one of them in her office. I read some of the little cards on them- one for an anniversary, another for birthdays, one.. i can't remember. How quaint.

There are many other stories about them, that i think are far more interesting and heartfelt; but these are the only two that i remember right now.

Being married for 20 years.

That's not easy. I'd be lucky if I find someone who'd stick with me for 20, long years and still wants to be there for me after all my crap. Of course, i also learned from my parents that marriage is HARD WORK. A combination of patience, acceptance, and all those stuff we always hear about marriage.

To be honest, I don't even think i have enough "emotional maturity" to talk about something as beautiful as marriage. I'm not qualified to talk about what marriage is; or what it's all about. Because i don't really, fully know. Haha. I just crap about it to sound smart to you people.
Heh. So i'll just stop.

Anyways, my parents like to lecture. More specifically, they like to lecture ME. You'd think as lecturers they'd had enough of a whole day of lecturing at the university huh?

But NOooo.... Of course they saved some for me at home.

They lecture me about almost everything and anything-- and most of the time i put on my "listening face".
But of course i'm not listening.
At the end of the day, what gets their message across to me are the things they do or stuff they say out of whim.

Those are the little things from them that have always impacted me in big and profound ways. And i don't think they even know. (Or is this just another one of their scams to teach me a lesson? Hmm.. you can never trust parents.)

Anyways, i'd just like to say:
THANK YOU, to my parents.

For staying together,
For having patience
For showing me that true love exists
For trying to make me a better person ( I know it's a tough job)
For not having me up for adoption (HAHA lame.)
For giving me a happy family life
and of course,
For simply loving each other


Ok. that's it. I spent the whole night writing this. Even I can't stand the mushiness.
Happy anniversay mom and dad!
Love you~

PS- I hope this makes up for me not posting anything on father's or mother's day.
HEH. ^(*-*)^

To those who love - ( & yes, i admit the CHEESINESS embodied in this title.)

I don't know why, but it seems that love is in the air for a lot of my JPA peers. Ooh-la-la..

A LOT.

Like, seriously. The romancing mood is so thick in the air i could smell it from a mile away. Especially after the summer camp.. (*.*) Ehheemmm.. Maybe there was some forest pixie there who decided to cast a love spell on some of us..

Anyways, don't worry Mom, i'm not one of them. Hehe. But some of my friends are! And it's very funny to watch.. (and, ultimately, TEASE. *EVIL laugh*) And all this teasing led me to indulge in my hobby of observing, which lead me to my hobby of poem writing, which led me to my hobby of BLOGGING. Which led you readers to your hobby of not minding your own business and thus, reading this.

So here we are.

Anyways, here's a poem i wrote a long time ago.
I don't know why, but after reading it, I'm somehow reminded of the love-sick JPA scholars.
People are different when they're in love, aren't they?Ahh.. isn't love just Bee-ooo-tifuull.How it can make you so stupid, and at the same time make you so full of wisdom. (But mostly make you stupid.)
Haha. Tis the truth. (from a self-absorbed cynic's point of view.. :P)


~Some Love~

Some love come at first sight
So strong and pure and sure
Like a gust of wind on a cold winter’s night
So quick so sudden so sure

Some love come softly
Gentle and slow like falling snow
As quiet as a light melody
Tenderly, time will let love grow

Some love are never returned
Some love get lost along the way
Some love take time to learn
Some love never seem to stay

Some love cause heartbreaks
Some love mend heartaches
Some love are strong while others are weak
Some love make even the strongest men meek

Some love endear the test of time
Some love are just short-lived
Some love are used for selfish games
Some love bring tarnish to good names

Yes, some love make us powerless
Some love give us strength
Some love leave us breathless
And some love make us hopeless

Even if some love sting and injure
And some love are harmful
Even if some love don’t deliver
And most love is hurtful

Don’t forget to remember
~All love is beautiful

N. J. 2006

Not exactly my best poem. In fact, the rhyming scheme- i find very typical and nothing original. The anologies; so cliche, but what the hey?

I self-riteously think it somehow fits the vibes i'm getting lately. HehehehHEHEHehehehe.

So yeah, to my friends who are bitten by the love bug- good luck! May your love story continue as a happy one~~

From a happy observer.. (and sometimes, listener. ) ^.^

To Frankie: May you too find the true love you've been waiting for!! haha. (Juniors2!)


PS- My track record of updating blogs is ABYSMAL. I apologise-- You won't belive the number of drafts i have in my dashboard. It's just that, i never have time to finish them. Sheesh. Excuses2. Will try harder to update.

A "descriptive" Happy Birthday

I actually wanted to write a simple post about my birthday, which happened on the 12th of April last Sunday. But then Derick asked us to write a "descriptive" blog this week, so I'm forced to write a somewhat boring post in order to describe in detail what happened during my 19th birthday celebrations. (Whoever was it that invented "descriptive writing" anyways??)

Meh. So here goes. *Stretches lazy, crummy fingers.*

The whole house was dark, and i found myself locked outside my own room with only Mia's computer music accompanying me in the pool of black. Apparently, my housemates had sneakily managed to knock on my door, and tricked me out of my sanctuary. From behind, they slyly entered my room through the connecting bathroom doors. They scrambled inside my room; locking me out in the process. I can't believe i fell for that same old trick again! The same old trick! dangit!

With nowhere to go, i decided to enter the room next door. Slowly i crept, with the trepidation of a deer who knew it was about to be preyed upon. Step by mindful step. Mia's weird music guided me in my quest to find light, serving as a helpful beacon in my search of an island in this sea of darkness. Cajoling me with it's melody, teasing me with its rhythms. Finally i stepped into the next room, thankful that there was not a single soul there to knock me out senseless. The room was empty as a cracked eggshell. Relieved i was, that at least they only decided to do something to my room, rather than attacking me with various torture materials ranging from face-powder to wheatflour, to eggs and lotion. Teeth-shattering. OoOh.

I discovered that there was a small mess in the middle of the room- created by a combination of cut-out colour paper, glue, scissors, and hastiness. I was touched.

To be honest, the whole day i've had a feeling that they were planning something for my birthday; locked doors, hushed tones, and creepy glances.. They all acted like a group of criminals, scheming on a cover-up for their latest gruesome murder. I knew something was up, but i just kept quiet because i knew they wanted me to be surprised. By the time the clock struck 12.00 midnight, i just braced myself.

And now this.

Me, alone in the next room. Wondering, guessing, pondering; on what the hell they're doing to my most beloved room. While patiently waiting, i entertained myself with games from Mia's computer. Trying to remain calm while awaiting my fate as a birthday girl in this house occupied with twisted and troubled minds, harbouring demented ideas.

Then the door to my room was unlocked, and i cautiously held on to the doorknob, slowly opening the door in fear. To my surprise, nobody was in my room any longer. I conjectured that they all ran into the next room via the connecting bathroom doors. But then i realised something what was different. My desk!

Awesome~~~

Aww. It was the sweetest thing...

There were cards, signs, and presents on my table. All neatly and creatively arranged; as to be expected from "creative" architecture students. (Oh really?)

After reading all the cards, (plus a poem from Tati), i decided to enter the next door and meet my sweetie pies.

Stepping into the next room, i was suddenly ambushed by buckets of water! YOWZA..!
My clothes were drenched with water,water, and more water..

So much for those so-called sweetie pies.. hemmpph.

"Happy Happy Birthday!! Ur Old!!"

hwahwahwa.. So they did attack me after all. Albeit with a "tamer" material.. I should've known! These people are never to be trusted! :D


~Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to Nadon..
Happy bithday to you....~

So after that, they forced me to put on the (beautifully designed) masquerade mask and fed me cake one by one. They bought slices of different flavoured cakes from 'Secret Recipe', and i got to taste each and every one of them. Yumms.

Nad aplogised for not throwing a grander party for me, and for the scarceness of people attending my birthday celebration. I wanted to tell her that this was exactly what i want; i've never liked big parties. In fact, i was touched that they bought cake, presents, and took the time to make all those lovely cards for me on my special day. I knew for a fact that they were all pathetically BROKE, desperate people.. Haha.

Thank you, my dear housemates. It was fantastico~~~

After the stomach stuffing, we played make-up and camwhored (yes, it's a word now) until 4.00 a.m. in the morning. It's horribly narcissistic; but it was fun nonetheless! I immensely enjoyed dolling up Mia and Yeanna, since they've never been made up before. It was hilarious seeing them in glamorous make-up. Haha. I always knew they were gorgeous women.. (rigghtt....) hehe. Yes they were. Below are pictures of me--made up by Mia and her creative, anime-drawing hands.

So that, readers, was how i celebrated my 19th bithday with my homies. It's nothing grand; a very small and private affair i suppose-- but great nonetheless.

The next Monday my classmates wished me belated birthdays. I appreciated that. Hoho. Ya and Mia gave me clothes, Nana gave me a lip gloss, Tati gave me a masquerade mask, and Atiqah, Syireen, Y, and Fadli gave me their, urm, smiles? Haha. Thank you, i knew your smiles are the most "expensive" ones. Squeeeee~~~

And did you know, that i'm the oldest person in that house? Why yes, yes i am. So technically, i'm the senior one and everybody in the house should do my bidding! Ahah. This month there are three people in my house who is be celebrating their coming-of-ages; Myself, my roommate (Nana), and Mia. So on to the next victim! *Grins diabolically..

That's all~ Adios. ^^

(I realised that only the beginning part of my post was somewhat "descriptive". The last parts were all just crappy writing. Darn. Apologies~~)

Insomnia

I went to Greenway the other day; you know, the grocery store at Centrepoint- where the items are overpriced and it smells way funky and the workers are whistling perverts who make "kissing noises" at you? Yeah, that greenway.

That day I picked my grocery as usual and paid for it, as usual. As i got out of the store i felt something missing; and then i found out what it was.

What did i pay for? Groceries.
Where is it now? Not in my hands.
Am i that stupid? Apparently yes.
I turn back to find that my groceries are still there at the paying counter.

Genius i tell you, Genius! hahaha.

The other day i bought roti canai at the cafe, and as i seated myself at a table, i forgot to get the curry, and the spoon and fork. Dangit.

I pay the canteen guy for my mineral water and i went away before he could even give me one.
Get me a nobel prize, will ya?? Huih.

Actually I think i know why i've been acting more absent-mindedly than usual..

I think i've been getting insomnia lately. I just can't sleep at night, and these days i tend to sleep at 4.00 or 4.30 a.m., which is extremely good for my health.
The next day i wake up looking like a cross between Kung Fu Panda and a zombie. Oh BEAUTY.. Feeling crabby and crappy all the same.

Problem is, i don't know why i'm suddenly an insomniac..




I simply just don't feel like sleeping . A few hours later the alarm rings and i have to wake up at 9 a.m. for college; and i kick myself in the a$$ for not sleeping earlier the night before. then i get cranky and i curse at a speed of 989 kilometres per hour in my head. Horrible.

I wish there was a drug to pop me right back into life. Coffee just doesn't work for me. It honestly does nothing to me. I feel so sorry for Miss Effa especially, since i always tend to sleep in her class. Not because she doesn't teach well, it's just that i really hate maths and when i'm sleepy i have and even stronger desire to murder whoever it was who invented maths. And then i shake it off by sleeping. Way to go... This is totally the way to get higher maths marks i assure you.. Meh.

I've read on the news once that sleep deprivation can lower your IQ. Oh noes....! My IQ is already unstable lately. It fluctuates from sheer stupidity to normal more often than not. Now how am i going to answer all those easy AUSMAT questions??? I need my IQ! *worries..*

I've searched the internet on tips for better sleep at night. These are what i got:

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco. Coffee, tea, chocolate, and cola drinks are all high in caffeine. Although alcohol is a depressant, research has shown that it, as well as tobacco, upsets sleep patterns and prevents people from experiencing a deep rest. Avoid all of these substances four to six hours before bedtime.

* Engage in daily physical exercise. People with office jobs have far more trouble with insomnia than people whose work is physical in nature. Fifteen minutes a day of exercise will give your body the activity and oxygen it needs to help you relax more and sleep longer.

* Reserve your bed for the purpose of sleep. When you get into bed, your body should be programmed to shut down and get rest. So avoid eating, reading, working, or watching television in bed. It will confuse your body and prolong the process of getting to sleep.

* Sleep in a well-ventilated room. Fresh air and a room temperature between 60 and 65 degrees will provide the best sleeping conditions. Keep the thermostat down and adjust your temperature from inside the bed with the appropriate amount of sheets or blankets.

So i'm trying my best to follow some tips here and there; to help me get through the night peacefully. But for one, i don't drink coffee, so i guess the first tip is useless for me. I hate excercising, so the second tip is a huge challenge of epic propotions for my lazy, lazy bottom... I presume the only tip i'm able to do is the third one, which is try to make my bed a real bed; not a place to eat or to study or to watch movies.. Owhh my.

I didn't know sleeping could be so hard... T_T.

Gambate! Sleep Nadon, sleep~~ (-_-)zzzzzZZZzz

Ah, techynology.

First, I would like to formally apologise for the past two weeks of my extreme emo-ness. Jeez, suck it up, woman! At this rate people would think I'm a pathetic emo with a pathetic life having a pathetic mental breakdown. Which, contrary to popular belief, i am not.

(ok, sometimes i am, but it's all because of the AUSMAT stress! But that's ok. Life goes on. God knows best. ^^).

Life is already so complicated, i don't know why i made it even more unbearable with my bucket-full of emo-ness. Holy macaroni..

ANYWAYS..

I have nothing particularly interesting to rant about this week.

But i guess i'll tell you about my new laptop which i got a few days before.. (awesome!)

It was Sunday, and i was sitting at the student house, doing nothing particularly interesting nor educational. Sundays only come once in a week, and i always reserve all my laziness to be spilled out on Sundays.. Bearing in mind, there WAS an economics assignment my group and i had to do, but it's SUNDAY.

Chill a little.. hehehheheheheheh..*evil laugh. ( Somehow i'd always come to regret this a few days afterwards... oh sweet irony.)

Lazing around i was, when suddenly i got this sms from my mom- "Dra, we're coming with your new laptop."

A brand spanking, mould-free, virus-free, new laptop for moi?? Really?

(My family PC is full of viruses and disgusting moulds.. don't ask me where they came from. I don't know, and don't want to know.. ) So really??

Really now?

Hurah! That's fantabulous! Really really awesome! *jumps up and down retardedly*

Though, it kind of took me by surpsrise since it was only the day before that i told my parents i maybe, "kinda" needed a laptop. And come Sunday~ shebang! A shiny new one. Thank you mom and dad. I'm lucky and i know i don't deserve it.

I couldn't stop smiling the whole day, thinking about my new laptop- what it would look like, what brand it would be, what colour it is-- (i've always wanted white.) I hope they didn't spend too much on it though. I hate it when people spend too much money on me; it's just this stupid mindset i have. It simply makes me uncomfortable. I like to earn things for myself, supposedly i'm "miss independent". Therefore when someone just buys things for me, i feel as if my independence is "stolen" somehow. It's weird and self-riteous isn't it? Like i've said, it's a stupid mindset..

Anyways, finally that afternoon, mom came with *my* new laptop in hand, and I came out of the house with that silly excited grin on my face. Thus i greeted the laptop. I mean, Mom. :D

Mom opened it and there he was.. My new beloved. Oh my, i can't describe how grateful and happy i was.. It's a black Compaq laptop and i think it's BEAUTIFUL. Edward Cullen buzz off! You don't stand a chance against my new darling laptop. hehe..

Maybe it's nothing special to you; in fact, i know "technically" it isn't the most well-equipped or most beautiful laptop in the world, but i love it nonetheless. It fits me. It's special because my parents bought it for me, and i've never really gotten something so expensive before.. And it's a laptop for God's sake. Who wouldn't want a parent-sponsored laptop right??

Obviously, i'll treasure it. I mean, obviously. As if you haven't read me rant about how much i l o v e it in these past few lines.

Here's a picture:

(i've decided to call it "Miko". Cute name, is it not?)

Better than Napolean at least. Haha, Nana just kidding.

Great! No more bothering my housemates in borrowing their laptops, no more snooping around people's PCs, no more making innocent "please can I.." faces to my friends whenever i want to go to the internet. Though i really appreciate their kindness in lending me their computers, i'm grateful i don't have to trouble them anymore. Oh, liberation!


I'm advanced!


With all my excitement, i'm sure you wouldn't have guessed that i actually hate technology. I think it's gotten to an extent where technology just seeps into every single crevice of our personal lives. it's annoying, it's just messy; with all those complicated wires and all. But i guess we can't avoid ot since it's become a necessity these days. I mean, I wouldn't have completed my Economics and Physics assignments without the computer.

However, I think sometimes life does get even more troublesome with all this technology. Though i do aknowledge that it does indeed bring certain benefits to society, it's nonetheless irritating when you have to do this and that just for simple, menial tasks; like adjusting the freaking spacing in Microsoft Word. (Or maybe i'm just not good at it, which i guess is a more plausible cause of me hating it. Meheh. )

Another GREAT example is video editing. My groupmates and i can attest to this. God knows how many times we had to restart the computer; or how many times we lost our data just because of a stupid glitch or a small mistake. Sheesh.. technology.

I hate handphones too. Those SMSes--they're so impersonal. I like talking better. That's why i didn't want a handphone until i entered college, where it became a necessity. I used to have a secondhand handphone when i was 14, but i gave it away since i hated the fact that people can contact (i.e. bother) me anywhere i go. It's so restricting. I guess i just prefer having my own personal time for myself, not spending it on replying text messages. Plus, my fingers get sore after a while of pressing handphone keys. Haha. (Whiny..)

Whatever happened to letters anyway? I think it's a great way to personally connect with friends. It far better than boring SMSes and impersonal friendster comments. With letters you get to touch the same paper the sender has touched; feel the curves of their handwriting, laugh at the doodles they drew themselves. Much better. I think letters are very romantic in their own way. In a way that typed words can never match.

Sadly, letter-writing isn't really practiced anymore nowadays. I must admit i'm a hypocrite also, since i no longer write letters as often as i used to. There are two letters i wrote to my friends that i wanted to send, but forgetfulness and time always gets in the way.. *sigh*.

That said, i'm still happy with my little Miko here-- since now i can go to the net and research without bothering people like the parasite that i am.. :)



I hate technology, but i hate it less now.

Here's to the beginning of a (hopefully) long and prosperous relationship between me and my Miko!
Meloves you long time...

PS- This is the first blog post that i've written using Miko! Huray for us~~

Poems..

I like poems. I used to write a lot of them, but then my computer broke down one day, and all my saved poems were GONE. Yeah, so that pretty much made me all wary of writing poems in the computer.. It's a shame nowadays that i don't write poems anymore.. It was fun back then. I don't know why i stopped. I guess i was afraid people would read it; and it's better to express myself in drawings-- where only I myself would understand what i was trying to say..



Anyway.. I've found this poem on someone's blog.. I think it's very beautiful. I really enjoy reading war poems. There's something special, and sad and poignant about them. They're really the very few things on this earth that can melt my icy, stone-cold heart. :P Bah.



*Love poems are overrated; they're beautiful too, but most are just plain CORNY and unoriginal. Pleh.




So here; read. It's nice..

*I'd like to dedicate this poem to my dad; Jeannot Bin Abdul Karim.. Luv you.


(I didn't write this though..)



The old man was bent over his desk,

His silver hair gleaming under the candlelight,

He was writing quite feverishly,

With smudged fingers and bad eyesight,

He was writing a letter to his son, you see,

He missed him very much,

But his son has not written back,

In thirteen years or such,

"I'm so proud he joined the army,

But he had to go away,

He was stationed elsewhere, you see,

And he left without delay.

There was a huge pile of letters on the man's desk,

All of them unopened,

All had "return to sender" stamped on them,

All were to his son.

The old man fell sick that winter,

And he never got better,

Although he was covered in his letters,

"Please tell my son I'm sorry,

That he will be all alone.

Tell him I died happy,

That I died safe and warm".

He wheezes,

And wrapped the thin blanket around his blanket,

He lay back on his mattress,

And closed his eyes for eternity,

I cleaned his room after the funeral,

And looked through things.

A letter had come from camp twelve years ago,

It had been left unseen.

It read,

"Dear daddy,I'm dying from a gunshot wound,

And I won't be getting better,

I love you,

Never forget that,

Live a long and happy life,

That's all I ever wanted,

I'm getting very dizzy now,

Everyone is gone,

That's all i had to say,

Love forever,

Your son".













Isn't it so sad and touching~~ hwaaaaaaa.....~~~ (If you don't feel anything; you're a hollow; hollow person.. haha.)


By the way; here's my favourite war poem. It's called Flander's Field, written by John McCrae.

http://www.constitutional.net/flanders_field.html

http://www.greatwar.nl/frames/default-poppies.html



That's all~

How unthankful..

.. that I shroud myself in all this sadness, I forget to see all the wonderful things surrounding me..

I might just get a heart attack.. ( Oh no, not an emo post.)

This week, especially, has been so taxing..

In all, i'd say i've been through a roller-coaster ride-- mentally, emotionally, physically.. & all those things in between. The documentary thing almost drove me (and my groupmates) to madness-- not because we did last minute work-- it's because of thet DARN computer that keeps getting stuck every minute. Sometimes i think i might just get a heart attack from all this worrying, and stressing and bad exam results.

I mean really, how is it that i really gave it my all; tried my darn hardest, and all i got were ridiculously disappointing marks?? I don't get it.
And then i see people who didn't really study for it get such good marks. How?? How does that even happen? I wonder at times, "Am i just stupid? Maybe i am." (Depressing, i know.. Pathetic--definitely.)

I think nowadays i suffer from mild depression. I cry in the shower sometimes--that way no one will know and they don't have to worry about me. I mean, other people have their own problems as well, and they don't have time to burden themselves with mine. It's not that my friends aren't supportive, it's just that i like to settle my own problems by myself.

Whenever i'm alone, i suddenly have the urge to cry. Sometimes when my roomie isn't home, i cry on my bed. Sometimes i don't know WHY i even cry.. It's so weird, i feel as though there's this emptiness inside of me, but it's also full of pain as well.. So hard to explain.
There are some other problems as well, but they are too personal to post it in my blog here.

I want to go home, it's been a month (or is it more?) since i've been home. Home used to be my refuge from all this stress. But at the same time i don't want to go home because it only brings pain when i see her face and i hear them whisper as if i don't l know what's going on.. (Ok, i think this is getting too personal so i'll move on..) So i don't go home, period.

But then mom calls and she says "when are you coming home sweetie pie?" and i say i have a lot of assignments to do. Which is true sometimes, but i usually just lie since i don't want to go home and tell them how i've let them down with my amazingly poor exam results. I don't want to see their dissappointed faces. It's hard for me. They're counting on me and how can i let them down??

Drawing.. owh.. what joy it is to indulge in my ultimate passion if only i have the time. I haven't been drawing sinceI don't know when. I miss having the feel of the white, empty paper on my palms, the smell of it.. the pencil; moving whichever way i want it too. No rules, no formulas- no right , no wrong. Just art. And art doesn't judge.

It's the best time for me to escape; i could draw from 8 p.m. until 4 a.m. in the morning. For all those hours, i feel that i've gone into another world; some other place where reality is but a mere afterthought. Everything is possible. Nothing is too ridiculous. Some drawings seem ugly but they are beautiful to me because i felt something when i draw them. Some drawings seem beautiful but they have other meanings known only to me... I miss drawing.

But then, if i start to draw i'm afraid i can't stop-- and that'll be another problem altogether bearing in mind those FUN assignments that i have to do.
If only those art students at KBU knew how much i ENVY them, and their huge protfolios and drawings, and "artsy" projects. I want that too...

I'm "rimas" ("restless" / "tired of" in Bahasa) of many things sometimes;
I'm rimas of the mess on my desk
I'm rimas of all my AUSMAT assignments
I'm rimas of all these exam results haunting me
I'm rimas of this constant worrying
I'm rimas of those guards who keep peeping inside our house and harassing my housemates
I'm rimas of the van driver who promised to pick us up at 12.30, but never did
I'm rimas of having to walk to college alone because i don't have a bike
I'm rimas of the mangy dog who keeps following me when i walk alone--SERIOUSLY SCARY
I'm rimas of those "cool" people who don't even realise that they're acting like baffooons, and can't even give a smile to those who smile at them..
I'm rimas of this feeling of being rimas; because it feels bitter and its not good for the soul.

I wish i was a better person. You know, one of those people who reads the *Yassin in the van, Those really strong and wise people who know exactly what they are doing.

*Yassin-- a long verse in the Quran.

But i cry in the shower. This is what i do.

And my hair is falling extensively these past few days-- it means only one thing; that i'm excessively stressed. This always happens when i'm really depressed. During SPM i had this problem for a while too..

I know i'm an ungrateful , immature old crank-- but sometimes i wish i could just escape away from all this. Sometimes when i'm drinking Milo at the cafe, i feel like i want to run away, pack my bags, hop on a train-- and just travel and be a nomad for the rest of my life. How unrealistic.

But i'm trying my best move on.

There's a quote i read somewhere that goes " It's easy to be depressed, and angry and sad. It's a brave choice to be happy".
(See i've even memorised it now, because i keep repeating it to myself so that i don't break down in the middle of the crowd). Sheesh, i wish i could get this lingering sadness off of me. It's so tiring to feel sad all the time and hide it from people. I guess writing it in this blog will ease the pain a bit somehow.

So yes. I don't want to take the easy path-- i want to take the brave path. I want to be happy; i choose to be happy. At college i'm trying to be happy; at the student house i try my best to be positive. It doesn't erase the pain, but it does make me less sad. Sometimes i still cry in the shower, but it's lesser now. I can't be negative, i must be strong for my family, for my friends, especially for myself.

I'm holding on. Trying not to crumble because this is all God's test to me.
I will try my best again, and if that fails; well at least i'd have no regrets.

~end.

Haiyah! Be strong!

Going Veggie..

Maybe some of you hadn't realised it, but for the past past week, i've been a vegetarian..
No seriously, I didn't eat meat for a straight seven days. Hurah.

Previously, going veggie for even two days straight was a tremendous stretch for my meat-eating, meat-loving soul. I didn’t know what i was thinking trying to be a vegetarian for a whole week; it seems pretty ambitious for a carnivorous dinosaur called yours truly.
But hey challenges always make the whole thing even better, so i decided what the heck, ---just try it. The least it could do is make my arteries less clogged than it already is..

“I’m a level 5 vegan—I don’t eat anything that casts a shadow.” –Character on The Simpsons

Funny.
What level vegan are YOU Mr Derrick?? (o.O)

Well for starters, i must admit that i wasn't a total vegetarian. Eventhough my roomie got kicks out of calling me "the vegan", with a heavily sarcastic tone you could taste the salty SARCASM, calling me a vegan would be an insult to all vegans everywhere. This is because i also ate eggs and dairy products during my seven-day stint. ( I had to, if not i would DIE lorh..)

I actually did some research on the net, and the term for my type of "vegetarianism" is called Lacto-ovo vegetarian. Oooh.. glamorous.

1)Vegetarian (Lacto-ovo- vegetarian)

When most people think of vegetarians, they think of lacto-ovo-vegetarians. People who do not eat beef, pork, poultry, fish, shellfish or animal flesh of any kind, but do eat eggs and dairy products are lacto-ovo vegetarians (“lacto” comes from the Latin for milk, and “ovo” for egg).

Lacto-vegetarian is used to describe a vegetarian who does not eat eggs, but does eat dairy products.

Ovo-vegetarian refers to people who do not eat meat or dairy products but do eat eggs.

2)Vegan

Vegans do not eat meat of any kind and also do not eat eggs, dairy products, or processed foods containing these or other animal-derived ingredients such as gelatin. Many vegans also refrain from eating foods that are made using animal products that may not contain animal products in the finished process, such as sugar and some wines. There is some debate as to whether certain foods, such as honey, fit into a vegan diet.

Wow really? Very interesting indeed..

So day one of being a vegetarian was alright. I honestly didn't feel anything missing during the first day-- no yearning for meat at all.. Then came the second day and i realised that the nuggets in my fridge will have to wait next week for me to come and eat them.. *sighs*

"Wait for me, lovely, succulent, inductive i mean, seductive nuggets.."

But still, i soldiered on. No biggie. The third day was ok, and the following days vary from me feeling so desperate for animal meat, to not feeling anything at all towards meat.

Plus, my housemates were really supportive.
And by really supportive i mean really UNsupportive... Oh how dare they. ^^

I became the butt of their jokes. They liked torturing me by purposely eating burgers or nuggets in front of me-- oh so diabolical. God knows how hard it was to not to go crazy smelling their meat-laden cooking. Plus, they would question me if i was doing this to get a flat stomach, or whether i'm on a crash diet. The answer was (tiringly) NO.. I just wanted to see the world from a vegetarian's point of view.. gawd! (Napolean Dynamite style..)

My only comfort was the knowledge that at least I was eating something healthy, and they were all simultaneously eating their way to an early heart attack. Meheh!

I remember the first time i told them that i was going veggie for a week. Some were quite supportive, but my darling roomie just said " Heh. I'll give you two days..". *crunches on a biscuit*. I guess she didn't realise it at the time, but i totally took it as a challenge. In fact i would like to thank her for that, since it really drove me to complete the one-week vegetarian lifestyle. hah!

Plus, whenever I eat fruits or veggies in front of them, roomie would call me "the vegan" again.. Which was, really, so UNCREATIVE. At least embellish it with other words like "super-vegan" or "veggie superhero" instead of using the same words over and over again. Tsk2. I expected much more from your sarcastic emo powers Nana.. .

But i took it all in my stride. It's all in good fun. If they didn't torture me, i wouldn't have anything interesting to tell people, now would I?

So what did i eat for the whole week? Well, mostly my diet consisted of tomatoes, pears, apples, oranges, hashbrowns, eggs, bread, and Campbell soup, (and some other stuff i can't remember).. It wasn't bad actually, since they were all reasonably tasty and become quite good after a while.. At least everytime i ate them, there wasn't this guilt inside of me; this inner conscience that says i'm eating something unhealthy or something pumped with hormones and additives. Plus, i didn't have to wonder how my food was prepared-- i've heard stories of chicken that were drowned in boiling water so that they would get de-feathered ALIVE. Damn humans are so cruel..

And i think i've got an idea of how it is being a vegetarian. Even if it's just for a small glimpse-- i can't confess to really knowing what a real vegetarian goes through, but i feel that at least i have a vague idea of how it feels. Going to restaurants were quite pains actually, since most of them don't offer vegetarian alternatives-- and even if they do, they don't look appetising at all (to me). Most of the time I ordered meals with meat in it, but donated the meat to my friends.. Why yes, i am that awfully kind.

Moreover, there's not much difference between vegetarians and non-vegetarians. They're basically just normal people who happen to prefer vegetables over meat. Well obviously, heh. Just because someone's a vegetarian, doesn't mean one is "special". When i was a (temporary) vegetarian, i preferred it if people didn't fuss over me or treat me as something else, or ask me why i do it.At times it gets tiring. Going veggie is just a personal choice-- just like how some people prefer cats over dogs. And how some people prefer not killing animals to killing them.

And, did you know that these celebrities are vegetarians??

Natalie Portman

Carrie Underwood (Voted Sexiest Vegetarian 2007)

Milo Ventimiglia

Tobey Maguire

Kristen Bell

Josh Hotnett, i mean, Hartnet (voted sexiest vegetarian.. by um, me.) :P

*Mr Derick*

^(-__-)^

(Sorry don't have a picture so just made a smily face..)

So the last day of my vegetarian escapade came to an end during the Chinese New Year open-house. Which was kind of sweet. It's as if i was celebrating the fact that i successfully completed my mission of being a temporary vegetarian. Hurah!

It wasn't easy, but i'm glad i at least tried a different lifestyle for one week. And it wasn't bad either.. *ponders*

Maybe next time I'll try being a vegetarian for two weeks~~ ^.^ Hehe.

We'll see..

For now, " infamous nuggets, come to mammah! How I've missed thee.."

(YAH. after all that preaching, i still can't let go of my tempura nuggets. Lousy.)

Documentary part 2

First of all, SORRY! (times a million) to Derick for posting soo late.. I was too tired the past two weeks running around interviewing people with my groupmates.. Plus, i don't have a computer so it's kind of hard for me to go to the internet.. (yeah.. excuses excuses .. tsk2.) (#^.^)

Anyways, back to the post..

Last weekend my group and I went harrassing, i mean, interviewing some people for our documentary.

14the February, 2009

On the first day, we went to the ever-popular One Utama shopping mall to hunt for interviewees. Valentine's day! Love was in the air and couples were evrywhere..

Meheh. I must say it was awkward and scary at first, since none of us knew how to approach total strangers and ask them; "at what age would you like to get married sir/miss..?" ( and some other questions..)

So, we devised a seemingly FOOLPROOF strategy;

I will approach people and explain to them what we're doing and where we're from
Fairuz will be "Karam Singh Walia" and ask the questions ^^
Nadiah will take down the important notes
Anneh will be camerawoman extraordinaire
& Liyana will be the "professional" photographer

scouring....

We brought cameras, camcorders, permission letters, questionnaires ; the whole shebang. Boy, we really looked like journalists. We felt like journalists ..

And then we asked.. and we got rejected. And we asked again; ignored. And we asked again-- same thing.. Oh my.

Then, a YES.

Yes! Our first victim was a random guy we picked out of nowhere. We were rejected quite a few times before, so when this guy finally said YES, we didn't actually know what to do! Haha.

It was a bit of a rush and very awkward when we interviewed him. Plus, he gave such short and simple answers, it took some effort to persuade him to talk more. Most of the time, he said "entahlah, tak tahu.. " (Beats me, I don't know..).
Sheesh..
But we remained courteous (so don't worry Derick.)

Thus our first experience was a bit discouraging, but it was pretty much smooth sailing after that .
I got rid of my nerves and grew confident, so i just made my 10 cent face and started walking up to complete strangers asking them for an interview--with my whole group in tow.
Here's what i learned:

1) My utmost RESPECT! to journalists. Fuih~

2) Never ever ever judge a book by its cover. Some people may seem stoic and stern at first, but when you approach them, they become totally affable and warm..( same goes the other way around though. Dang.).

3) Never underestimate the power of persuasion.. Some people might not seem to keen to help us at first, but with a little smile here, and a little encouragement there.. most interviewees let their guards down. Remember to put on your "sweet" face! haha.. (but don't be too fake either.. That would just be annoying after some time..)

4) Be brave. Just go for it. No second thoughts-- simply go up and ask!

5) Don't take rejections seriously. It's true that a huge majority said no when we asked them for an interview, but we tried to not be sad about it. Move on, it's nothing personal; most of the time people just think you're a salesperson or they simply don't have the time. Never let rejections discourage you-- and always be courteous to those who do it.

6) Patience. It's a must, after getting rejected for such an uncountable number of times. T_T. Plus, standing there waiting for willing interviewees is so tiring..
But then you get that one interview that's great; you feel so satisfied and all accomplished inside. Then, you realise that all the effort is worthwhile..

So our first location taught us a lot.


15th February 2009

The second day was much, MUCH better. We were pros, if i do say so myself... (hhehe.)
Alright, i'll eat the humble pie and say that we were better and more relaxed on the second day.
Thus, off we went to "The Curve" and "Cineleisure" shopping mall; a very beautiful setting indeed..

We decided to buy a cheap microphone this time; since the first recording produced unclear sounds (crud..).
The salesperson asked us if we were journalists, but we resisted the strong urge to tell him "damn straight we are.." and told him we were merely college students. hehe.
See how humble we are?

I was so used to doing my part of the job; that i eventually memorised what i was going to say..
"Excuse me sir/miss/encik/akak.. Sorry for disturbing. But, can we interview you? It's just for 5 minutes. We're from KBU college and we'd just like to hear your opinions on a few things.." *smiles* (as innocently as possible.. :P)

She was a wonderful interviewee....

Fortunately, on the second day we managed to get some really good answers from the interviewees.
Worth mentioning is that we had will power! The urge to shop was valiantly ignored; thus we managed to dodge most boutiques and handbag shops in order to focus on the task at hand. To be honest it was NOT easy.. Fuh.
If you're a woman you'd know... ;)
In total, we managed to interview eleven people during the whole two days. *gleams with satisfaction*..

All in all, our excursions were wonderful experiences for me.They were scary and tiring and eye-opening all rolled into one. Most of all, they were something completely new to me and i like experiencing new things. It certainly forced me to take the plunge and just straight away dive in..

Plus, I love my group members. They all worked so hard they deserve an award for it, yes they do. It may sound contrived but it's true. I thank them for all their sacrifices and brilliant ideas put forth. We have our differences; but differences are what make relationships interesting..

No matter how bad or good this documentary comes out to be in the end, i'm glad to know that at least we gave it our best shot. Thank you again to Anneh, Fairuz, Ya, and Yeanna. It's a blast.
Sorry for having thoughts of pulling your hairs out-- I'm sure you've felt the same way about me.. Haha.

So now comes the editing..~~~
Hope it goes well..

PS-All the best to other groups also~