Something quite liberating of course, after the horror of horrors that is AUSMAT. I can tell you that.
Just me, a bag of chips, and sweet, sinful, debauchery! MUAHAHAHA....
(well, not exactly.. but still.. just let me have my rockstar moment will ya.. ^^)
In a nutshell—i’ve been unproductive and lazy and I’m LOVIN it. What i don’t love is me being nagged and treated just like a kid again. Because you can’t have free home-cooked food, clean laundry, Astro and fabulous internet connection without a CATCH. Because there’ll always be a catch.
And the catch for me is—I’ll be reduced to a spoiled little kid again in the eyes of my parents. Always being asked what time I slept last night, what time I woke up this morning, what did I do today... And if i slept late—here comes the melodious music that is my dad’s sweet, beautiful lecture..it’s all very.. VERY ,a teensy wincy bit annoying.
I guess it’s something hard to adjust to. It’s been a long one and a half years since i’ve been truly nagged or lectured. Living in BU has certainly made me closer to my parents—as in appreciating what they sacrificed for me and their constant support during the hard times. Jeez.. absence does make the heart grow fonder.
But living at home makes one a little claustrophobic. I feel stuffy, i feel watched—monitored. The catch is i lose my freedom. The catch is me having a VIP front seat to my parents’ “musical recital” which revolve around central themes such as me having bad living habits, me being unproductive, me being... and so on and so forth.. Nod Nadon, NOD.
Well, i guess you can’t have everything... Just enjoy the bag of chips and CSI: NY you fat, lazy woman.. Haha. I just feel that i’ve been so tense for soooo long. I’ve been stressed and i worked my ass off and i worried and worried and worried and yes, i believe i deserve to let myself transform into a lazy whale.. At least just for a few weeks. Cut me some slack people.
I remember when i was in my teens, i almost always had fights with my father. Let’s just say my mouth “takdak insurance”. Haha. Maybe it’s because my father and i are so alike. We both have huge egos, we both don’t want to back down, we both believe strongly in whatever we believe in. We’re both childish.
Looking back, i wouldn’t change a thing. Because i still feel that every “kurang ajar” thing i said was true. I just said what everybody i n the room was thinking. Something that even my mom wouldn’t dare say but i said it anyway. I even got slapped once. Sometimes dad and i wouldn’t talk for a few days. Awkward, but i never, ever said i was sorry. Because i felt that i did nothing wrong, i said the right thing, i stood up for what’s right. Teruk kan?
And now i realise.... i’m still right. I didn’t agree with dad’s sexist and racist remarks. Haha. But i was WRONG, wrong wrong in not having made an apology to him for my words. It’s only common courtesy.. No, actually it’s my DUTY, as a daughter to at least apologise for all the words i said that might have hurt my father.
But i don’t know how to do that. Maybe i don’t have enough maturity or charisma or whatever it is to swallow my ego and make amends to the old man. Even in Hari Raya we just salam but i never said anything.
So nowadays, I make it up to him by holding back my tongue—Even when i have the strong, irresistable urge to give him a piece of my mind. So far me and dad don’t fight as much. I just take it all in..or i’d just go into the next room before i say something i’ll regret. Maybe it’s due to my guilt for the previous years of talkbacks. Or maybe it’s me, mellowing down to accommodate my parents—or maybe it’s stupid old “maturity”.. MAYBE. I don’t know. What i know is I just don’t want to fight anymore.
Sometimes its best to keep quiet and let it be. Suan Le. Besides, being silent doesn’t mean you’ve lost the fight. It just mean you choose to not fight. Or something like that.. whatever.
So there i was, sitting in front of the TV with my fried ayamas chicken. Channel surfing and watching reruns of Friends. Lucky bastard. Then in the evening i’d watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” with my parents. I want to avoid having any arguments with them. I just want to enjoy and cherish my moments with them, because next year, god willing—IF i get to fly—i know one thing i’m gonna miss is this moment. Where all four of us in the family sit together, poke fun at each other, and just laugh at something funny on the TV.
And of course—the thing i’ll miss most is my parents’ good ‘ol nagging. :D