What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?

My mother is the epitome of an amazing talker. I'm not exagerating~ It's true. Everytime we go to social events, i'd be amazed by just how easy it is for her to talk to almost anybody that passes her way. Even complete strangers. Even complete jerks. Even old grannies. Even little 5-year-old children. Of all the things i'm proud to say of my mother, i'd be proudest to say that she is a talented conversationist.

I, on the other hand, am the epitome of a horrible talker. I'm not exagerrating~ It's true. (Just when you thought you'd had enough of my self-deprecation. Here's ANOTHER one.)
I can't stand going to social events because, well, maybe I'm just antisocial.
That's a lame excuse; and i know it's not a true excuse. The real reason is, of course, it's just hard for me to talk to people. And i have no idea why.

Seeing me in conversations is like watching a wolf being skinned alive in slow-motion. Oh the humanity..! Oh, the blood-curdling awkwardness..!

Oh, the scattering of my brain on the ceiling...

(that's why during social events i'd just really eat a lot; so as to avoid embarrassing myself in conversations with people. That way, when people start talking to me; i'd just stuff my face and nod in agreement to whatever they're saying. Easy. Simple. Painless. Just run to the buffet table when things get awkward! (*.*))

Alright, enough of selfish me, me, me...

So, yesterday Derrick asked us to write on "What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?" i'm quite clueless to be honest.

Well, not exactly. Of course i can easily say that it's because of the generation gap, or people's own mentality, or their sorroundings.. or any other logical and politically-correct reasons that can earn me some delicious marks in an essay.

But truth is; sometimes we just don't feel like talking to certain people. It's not because we think we're better than them, or because of our past--

Sometimes.. some people just give us this certain kind of aura..
So.. my reason for what makes it hard for us to talk to each other is the aura. The aura we get from the person we're talking to or are about to talk to-- determines our willingness to converse with them. Well at least that's the main reason.. Yes i do believe so.

Sometimes I find it so easy to talk to certain people; however with other homo sapiens-- i'm speechless and clueless on what to talk about with them. It's all in the aura..

In no way do I look down on those i can't seem to talk to-- it's just that; maybe i don't know where to begin or how to act in front of them. These insecurities are the chains that hold us back from having a great conversation with certain people.

Some might say that the language barrier prevents us from talking to each other; but this is contradicted by Mr Shi and Madam in "A Thousand Years Of Good Prayers". It is obvious their command of English is far from perfect, but because they feed off the good aura they get from each other, they are able to talk affably with one another as if they've been friends for years.
This contrasts starkly with Mr Shi's relationship with his own daughter; they have such bad aura between them, that it's a struggle to even have a good conversation with each other.

How ironic and sad.

To make my post sound more academic,(*-*), i'm forced to generically say that our past relationship with that person hinders us from talking to them. Yunli could not seem to get over the fact that her father never really talked to her during her childhood-- so when he started talking to her-- she somehow takes revenge on him for all the years of his emotional neglect.

Maybe the father deserved it. Maybe he didn't; but Yunli's silence speaks volumes on how she feels about her father's past treatment of her. It's hard for Yunli to forgive her father's mistakes; as it is hard for her to open her mouth and just talk to him. She has not forgiven him. Not yet, not even after 12 years.

Another (generic!) reason would be the fact that our culture prevents us from expressing our feelings and talking openly with certain people. Yunli's Chinese culture does not put good light on women who talk so freely in front of men. As her father said, "a good woman should not ask such direct questions". Therefore, maybe when her father comes into her life so suddenly after 12 years-- Yunli feels awkward to face her father. Her father represents her own Chinese culture; one which she has long forgotten and neglected after living in the US for so long. She does not know how to react to him; or the chinese culture he represents.

So kids, talk to your parents.

The end.

(I aknowledge how obvious it is that i got lazy and couldn't come up with a more meaningful conclusion. Hurah. Besides, i hate academic writing. It's pompous and pretentious and well i just find it a little boring. Haha, *whine, whine, whine...***)


*edit*

Oh, and the idea of an "emotional wall".

I believe that sometimes we put up walls around us to find out who'd care enough to break them down. The only way to break the silence and "emotional wall", is through being fearless and by discarding all our insecurities. WE ourselves have to gather enough courage. Courage and self-confidence, enough to break down our own walls and climb another person's.
(Easier said than done though).

How I admire those who seem to be able to talk freely with anybody. It shows that they have courage-- they are not afraid of getting hurt-- they're not afraid of falling from the climb.

Happy Anniversary~

I just found out that today is my parents' 20th anniversary as a married couple..

Uhm, ok.
i just ran out of ideas.

Well that was quick... (*-_-)

Actually I was meaning to write a nice, warm, fuzzy, heartfelt post as a dedication to my parents. But i don't know where to start.
Or even HOW to start.

O_0 errrhhm.

I guess i'll start by saying that they're wonderful parents. (Haha.. not original, but TRUE. to a certain extent. eheh.) For 19 years they had to put up with a stubborn, annoying daughter, and still didn't regret producing her-- so that's an achievement in itself! Walaweh..

So,
Marriage.

I think my parents taught me a lot about marriage. Just by the things they do and the things they didn't do. Some by the things they say- spontaneously and (most of the times) subconciously..

For instance~

Case 1

(After a six-hour drive back to kampung last year.)

Dad: If only you had your driver's license. I'd let you drive when i'm tired.

Me: Why don't you just let mum drive? She always offers but you never accept.

Dad: Haha..... she doesn't know- and don't tell her ah, but i don't trust her behind the wheels. Too reckless.
But don't tell her ah.. . ^^

Me: Ha. Ha.

(Some other time)

Mom:... blablablablabla..yadayadayadayada.. besides, your father never lets me drive when we go balik kampung. He doesn't trust me..I know it. (rather matter-of-fact ly)

Me : (in my head) Ah. The beauty of this.. She always knew.

Me: Ha. Ha. And yet you always offer..

Mom: haha. And yet he's the one who always gets into accidents.

Basically it showed me that love is all about acceptance, and, well, playing dumb even when you know. (does that make sense? ) My mother knew my father didn't trust her to drive, but she wasn't offended at all. She just, accepts it. My father knows my mother drives badly, but he just, doesn't tell her..

Ah. Compromise..

Case 2:
At mom's office one day

Me : hey what are those things on the top shelf?

Mom: Flowers. Your father sent me.

Me: Wah.. all of them? But they're all dead; and scary-looking; and creepy-looking; and... i ran out of adjectives..

Mom: ...... I just feel it's such a shame to throw them away

Me: But, i can see wasps making their hives on them. (No seriously; WASPS).

Mom: .......

Actually before that i never knew dad even sent mom flowers. (BIG bouqets). I thought that was sweet. What's even sweeter is that my mom still keeps almost every single one of them in her office. I read some of the little cards on them- one for an anniversary, another for birthdays, one.. i can't remember. How quaint.

There are many other stories about them, that i think are far more interesting and heartfelt; but these are the only two that i remember right now.

Being married for 20 years.

That's not easy. I'd be lucky if I find someone who'd stick with me for 20, long years and still wants to be there for me after all my crap. Of course, i also learned from my parents that marriage is HARD WORK. A combination of patience, acceptance, and all those stuff we always hear about marriage.

To be honest, I don't even think i have enough "emotional maturity" to talk about something as beautiful as marriage. I'm not qualified to talk about what marriage is; or what it's all about. Because i don't really, fully know. Haha. I just crap about it to sound smart to you people.
Heh. So i'll just stop.

Anyways, my parents like to lecture. More specifically, they like to lecture ME. You'd think as lecturers they'd had enough of a whole day of lecturing at the university huh?

But NOooo.... Of course they saved some for me at home.

They lecture me about almost everything and anything-- and most of the time i put on my "listening face".
But of course i'm not listening.
At the end of the day, what gets their message across to me are the things they do or stuff they say out of whim.

Those are the little things from them that have always impacted me in big and profound ways. And i don't think they even know. (Or is this just another one of their scams to teach me a lesson? Hmm.. you can never trust parents.)

Anyways, i'd just like to say:
THANK YOU, to my parents.

For staying together,
For having patience
For showing me that true love exists
For trying to make me a better person ( I know it's a tough job)
For not having me up for adoption (HAHA lame.)
For giving me a happy family life
and of course,
For simply loving each other


Ok. that's it. I spent the whole night writing this. Even I can't stand the mushiness.
Happy anniversay mom and dad!
Love you~

PS- I hope this makes up for me not posting anything on father's or mother's day.
HEH. ^(*-*)^