The trough period..(my week in review)

~Smooth seas don't make skillful sailors.~
-anonymous-

Oh, the trough period. When will the boom period ever come...? ^^

I think this week has been one of those weeks which i fear most.
THREE exams and a maths assignment to hand in by the end of the week.
All three exams involve calculations (o yea!) which

a) I'm not good at, and
b) I'm good at but will always find a way to be CARELESS. haiya.

As predicted-- i messed up physics (surprise, surprise). Plus my chemistry and maths are VERY so-so. Not to mention my last topic test for econs was the worst marks i've gotten for econs so far. (and i really worked hard for econs!)

I don't know what else i can do to improve my marks. It seems that whatever i do, and no matter how hard i try the marks just won't budge. ish.

But that's ok.
Tati said it doesn't matter what the results are,
what matters is you don't give up.
I can't believe someone who likes the JONAS brothers and miley cyrus and high school musical can be so full of straightforward wisdom.
Tati's right.
i believe you, taton.
It's beautiful how the littlest things people say to you can touch your heart the most.
If only miss jenny had the same motto.
haha.
I am AFRAID of that lady. seriously.
She gives me the heebie-jeebies~~~. (o.O) ooh.
Not her fault though.

To add icing to the cake (of crappiness), I found out last night that my beloved grandma has suffered from a stroke. She was found lying on the floor of the garage- unconscious; by her maid.
Doctors said there's bleeding in her brain.

Had to transfer her from hospital to hospital because they didn't have the equipments or specialists to treat her. What the duck. This was the same thing we had to go through two years ago when my other grandma was sick. (She died last year.) Shows the true state of our health facilities in Malaysia.

I can't take having two of my grandmas die in two years! Please let this grandma live God..

So what did i do?
Lied on the bed and cried. Then prayed.
Then went to shower and cried for another hour. Then prayed again.
Realised that we as mere humans are only able to pray and hope. And TRY (to some extent.)
But the final decision is up to God.
I feel so helpless.
So human.
(-.-)

I guess it would be unfair to say that my week SUCKS (with a big fat capital S) entirely.

Because there were moments that i loved living.
For example EALD class.
KBU idol was fun.
Because:
a) I got to be Paula Abdul :D
b) I got to give comments that are only said to make me look smart
c) I got to say the word 'crap' many many many many times
d) Sarah was a wonderful Simon and Leong was nice-guy Randy. XD
e) Franky as Ryan Seacrest was PRICELESS
f) Atiqah was the KBU idol and i honestly believed she's better at talking than any of us on the judges' table. Gaha.
f) Everybody had a good laugh and released their stress for a while

I like the last point the most.
AUSMAT's been corroding us slowly but surely everyday. We needed a laugh.
EALD saved me, at least. It gave me reason to go to class every week.
Going to EALD class never fails to give me that little spring in my steps and a small joy in my heart.
(seriously, it's the only subject i don't suck in.)

And, at the risk of being labelled a suck-up; i'd like to thank Mr Derrick for his infamous SARCASM and dry, evil humour. It never fails to amuse me. Haha. Bodek,bodek.

So yeah, eventhough this week was generally suck-acious (yep, it's a WORD. Wait, no it ain't) I'm counting my blessings and just trying to move on-- getting through this week as best i can. Just trying to keep on running until i'll finally finish this god-forsaken marathon called AUSMAT.

No matter what, i'm gonna get there. I'd crawl all the way if i have to. I'd drag myself with my own two fingers if the situation arises. I'll crawl with my tongue if i have to (beautiful image, i know). I'll never stop running until i'm done with this thing.

Bring it MOCK EXAMS!
Bring it!
Give it to me!
Hai-yah!

~The lesson is in the struggle, not in the victory.~
-anonymous-


PS- all the best to my friends, classmates, and also those who i don't know but pretend to know. ^^ G'luck.

PPS- Please pray for my grandma..

Do It Anyways..

I want so badly to be able to do this right now..Damn you ausmat. Damn you.

~A wise advice from Mother Teresa~

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

True.
I should remember this more often..

PS- speech? Certainly not my best . Essay? suffered from vertigo while doing it. (no seriously, apparently it runs in the family.)
Aiyo mama..

Do it anyways...

What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?

My mother is the epitome of an amazing talker. I'm not exagerating~ It's true. Everytime we go to social events, i'd be amazed by just how easy it is for her to talk to almost anybody that passes her way. Even complete strangers. Even complete jerks. Even old grannies. Even little 5-year-old children. Of all the things i'm proud to say of my mother, i'd be proudest to say that she is a talented conversationist.

I, on the other hand, am the epitome of a horrible talker. I'm not exagerrating~ It's true. (Just when you thought you'd had enough of my self-deprecation. Here's ANOTHER one.)
I can't stand going to social events because, well, maybe I'm just antisocial.
That's a lame excuse; and i know it's not a true excuse. The real reason is, of course, it's just hard for me to talk to people. And i have no idea why.

Seeing me in conversations is like watching a wolf being skinned alive in slow-motion. Oh the humanity..! Oh, the blood-curdling awkwardness..!

Oh, the scattering of my brain on the ceiling...

(that's why during social events i'd just really eat a lot; so as to avoid embarrassing myself in conversations with people. That way, when people start talking to me; i'd just stuff my face and nod in agreement to whatever they're saying. Easy. Simple. Painless. Just run to the buffet table when things get awkward! (*.*))

Alright, enough of selfish me, me, me...

So, yesterday Derrick asked us to write on "What is it that makes it so hard for us to talk to each other?" i'm quite clueless to be honest.

Well, not exactly. Of course i can easily say that it's because of the generation gap, or people's own mentality, or their sorroundings.. or any other logical and politically-correct reasons that can earn me some delicious marks in an essay.

But truth is; sometimes we just don't feel like talking to certain people. It's not because we think we're better than them, or because of our past--

Sometimes.. some people just give us this certain kind of aura..
So.. my reason for what makes it hard for us to talk to each other is the aura. The aura we get from the person we're talking to or are about to talk to-- determines our willingness to converse with them. Well at least that's the main reason.. Yes i do believe so.

Sometimes I find it so easy to talk to certain people; however with other homo sapiens-- i'm speechless and clueless on what to talk about with them. It's all in the aura..

In no way do I look down on those i can't seem to talk to-- it's just that; maybe i don't know where to begin or how to act in front of them. These insecurities are the chains that hold us back from having a great conversation with certain people.

Some might say that the language barrier prevents us from talking to each other; but this is contradicted by Mr Shi and Madam in "A Thousand Years Of Good Prayers". It is obvious their command of English is far from perfect, but because they feed off the good aura they get from each other, they are able to talk affably with one another as if they've been friends for years.
This contrasts starkly with Mr Shi's relationship with his own daughter; they have such bad aura between them, that it's a struggle to even have a good conversation with each other.

How ironic and sad.

To make my post sound more academic,(*-*), i'm forced to generically say that our past relationship with that person hinders us from talking to them. Yunli could not seem to get over the fact that her father never really talked to her during her childhood-- so when he started talking to her-- she somehow takes revenge on him for all the years of his emotional neglect.

Maybe the father deserved it. Maybe he didn't; but Yunli's silence speaks volumes on how she feels about her father's past treatment of her. It's hard for Yunli to forgive her father's mistakes; as it is hard for her to open her mouth and just talk to him. She has not forgiven him. Not yet, not even after 12 years.

Another (generic!) reason would be the fact that our culture prevents us from expressing our feelings and talking openly with certain people. Yunli's Chinese culture does not put good light on women who talk so freely in front of men. As her father said, "a good woman should not ask such direct questions". Therefore, maybe when her father comes into her life so suddenly after 12 years-- Yunli feels awkward to face her father. Her father represents her own Chinese culture; one which she has long forgotten and neglected after living in the US for so long. She does not know how to react to him; or the chinese culture he represents.

So kids, talk to your parents.

The end.

(I aknowledge how obvious it is that i got lazy and couldn't come up with a more meaningful conclusion. Hurah. Besides, i hate academic writing. It's pompous and pretentious and well i just find it a little boring. Haha, *whine, whine, whine...***)


*edit*

Oh, and the idea of an "emotional wall".

I believe that sometimes we put up walls around us to find out who'd care enough to break them down. The only way to break the silence and "emotional wall", is through being fearless and by discarding all our insecurities. WE ourselves have to gather enough courage. Courage and self-confidence, enough to break down our own walls and climb another person's.
(Easier said than done though).

How I admire those who seem to be able to talk freely with anybody. It shows that they have courage-- they are not afraid of getting hurt-- they're not afraid of falling from the climb.

Happy Anniversary~

I just found out that today is my parents' 20th anniversary as a married couple..

Uhm, ok.
i just ran out of ideas.

Well that was quick... (*-_-)

Actually I was meaning to write a nice, warm, fuzzy, heartfelt post as a dedication to my parents. But i don't know where to start.
Or even HOW to start.

O_0 errrhhm.

I guess i'll start by saying that they're wonderful parents. (Haha.. not original, but TRUE. to a certain extent. eheh.) For 19 years they had to put up with a stubborn, annoying daughter, and still didn't regret producing her-- so that's an achievement in itself! Walaweh..

So,
Marriage.

I think my parents taught me a lot about marriage. Just by the things they do and the things they didn't do. Some by the things they say- spontaneously and (most of the times) subconciously..

For instance~

Case 1

(After a six-hour drive back to kampung last year.)

Dad: If only you had your driver's license. I'd let you drive when i'm tired.

Me: Why don't you just let mum drive? She always offers but you never accept.

Dad: Haha..... she doesn't know- and don't tell her ah, but i don't trust her behind the wheels. Too reckless.
But don't tell her ah.. . ^^

Me: Ha. Ha.

(Some other time)

Mom:... blablablablabla..yadayadayadayada.. besides, your father never lets me drive when we go balik kampung. He doesn't trust me..I know it. (rather matter-of-fact ly)

Me : (in my head) Ah. The beauty of this.. She always knew.

Me: Ha. Ha. And yet you always offer..

Mom: haha. And yet he's the one who always gets into accidents.

Basically it showed me that love is all about acceptance, and, well, playing dumb even when you know. (does that make sense? ) My mother knew my father didn't trust her to drive, but she wasn't offended at all. She just, accepts it. My father knows my mother drives badly, but he just, doesn't tell her..

Ah. Compromise..

Case 2:
At mom's office one day

Me : hey what are those things on the top shelf?

Mom: Flowers. Your father sent me.

Me: Wah.. all of them? But they're all dead; and scary-looking; and creepy-looking; and... i ran out of adjectives..

Mom: ...... I just feel it's such a shame to throw them away

Me: But, i can see wasps making their hives on them. (No seriously; WASPS).

Mom: .......

Actually before that i never knew dad even sent mom flowers. (BIG bouqets). I thought that was sweet. What's even sweeter is that my mom still keeps almost every single one of them in her office. I read some of the little cards on them- one for an anniversary, another for birthdays, one.. i can't remember. How quaint.

There are many other stories about them, that i think are far more interesting and heartfelt; but these are the only two that i remember right now.

Being married for 20 years.

That's not easy. I'd be lucky if I find someone who'd stick with me for 20, long years and still wants to be there for me after all my crap. Of course, i also learned from my parents that marriage is HARD WORK. A combination of patience, acceptance, and all those stuff we always hear about marriage.

To be honest, I don't even think i have enough "emotional maturity" to talk about something as beautiful as marriage. I'm not qualified to talk about what marriage is; or what it's all about. Because i don't really, fully know. Haha. I just crap about it to sound smart to you people.
Heh. So i'll just stop.

Anyways, my parents like to lecture. More specifically, they like to lecture ME. You'd think as lecturers they'd had enough of a whole day of lecturing at the university huh?

But NOooo.... Of course they saved some for me at home.

They lecture me about almost everything and anything-- and most of the time i put on my "listening face".
But of course i'm not listening.
At the end of the day, what gets their message across to me are the things they do or stuff they say out of whim.

Those are the little things from them that have always impacted me in big and profound ways. And i don't think they even know. (Or is this just another one of their scams to teach me a lesson? Hmm.. you can never trust parents.)

Anyways, i'd just like to say:
THANK YOU, to my parents.

For staying together,
For having patience
For showing me that true love exists
For trying to make me a better person ( I know it's a tough job)
For not having me up for adoption (HAHA lame.)
For giving me a happy family life
and of course,
For simply loving each other


Ok. that's it. I spent the whole night writing this. Even I can't stand the mushiness.
Happy anniversay mom and dad!
Love you~

PS- I hope this makes up for me not posting anything on father's or mother's day.
HEH. ^(*-*)^

To those who love - ( & yes, i admit the CHEESINESS embodied in this title.)

I don't know why, but it seems that love is in the air for a lot of my JPA peers. Ooh-la-la..

A LOT.

Like, seriously. The romancing mood is so thick in the air i could smell it from a mile away. Especially after the summer camp.. (*.*) Ehheemmm.. Maybe there was some forest pixie there who decided to cast a love spell on some of us..

Anyways, don't worry Mom, i'm not one of them. Hehe. But some of my friends are! And it's very funny to watch.. (and, ultimately, TEASE. *EVIL laugh*) And all this teasing led me to indulge in my hobby of observing, which lead me to my hobby of poem writing, which led me to my hobby of BLOGGING. Which led you readers to your hobby of not minding your own business and thus, reading this.

So here we are.

Anyways, here's a poem i wrote a long time ago.
I don't know why, but after reading it, I'm somehow reminded of the love-sick JPA scholars.
People are different when they're in love, aren't they?Ahh.. isn't love just Bee-ooo-tifuull.How it can make you so stupid, and at the same time make you so full of wisdom. (But mostly make you stupid.)
Haha. Tis the truth. (from a self-absorbed cynic's point of view.. :P)


~Some Love~

Some love come at first sight
So strong and pure and sure
Like a gust of wind on a cold winter’s night
So quick so sudden so sure

Some love come softly
Gentle and slow like falling snow
As quiet as a light melody
Tenderly, time will let love grow

Some love are never returned
Some love get lost along the way
Some love take time to learn
Some love never seem to stay

Some love cause heartbreaks
Some love mend heartaches
Some love are strong while others are weak
Some love make even the strongest men meek

Some love endear the test of time
Some love are just short-lived
Some love are used for selfish games
Some love bring tarnish to good names

Yes, some love make us powerless
Some love give us strength
Some love leave us breathless
And some love make us hopeless

Even if some love sting and injure
And some love are harmful
Even if some love don’t deliver
And most love is hurtful

Don’t forget to remember
~All love is beautiful

N. J. 2006

Not exactly my best poem. In fact, the rhyming scheme- i find very typical and nothing original. The anologies; so cliche, but what the hey?

I self-riteously think it somehow fits the vibes i'm getting lately. HehehehHEHEHehehehe.

So yeah, to my friends who are bitten by the love bug- good luck! May your love story continue as a happy one~~

From a happy observer.. (and sometimes, listener. ) ^.^

To Frankie: May you too find the true love you've been waiting for!! haha. (Juniors2!)


PS- My track record of updating blogs is ABYSMAL. I apologise-- You won't belive the number of drafts i have in my dashboard. It's just that, i never have time to finish them. Sheesh. Excuses2. Will try harder to update.

A "descriptive" Happy Birthday

I actually wanted to write a simple post about my birthday, which happened on the 12th of April last Sunday. But then Derick asked us to write a "descriptive" blog this week, so I'm forced to write a somewhat boring post in order to describe in detail what happened during my 19th birthday celebrations. (Whoever was it that invented "descriptive writing" anyways??)

Meh. So here goes. *Stretches lazy, crummy fingers.*

The whole house was dark, and i found myself locked outside my own room with only Mia's computer music accompanying me in the pool of black. Apparently, my housemates had sneakily managed to knock on my door, and tricked me out of my sanctuary. From behind, they slyly entered my room through the connecting bathroom doors. They scrambled inside my room; locking me out in the process. I can't believe i fell for that same old trick again! The same old trick! dangit!

With nowhere to go, i decided to enter the room next door. Slowly i crept, with the trepidation of a deer who knew it was about to be preyed upon. Step by mindful step. Mia's weird music guided me in my quest to find light, serving as a helpful beacon in my search of an island in this sea of darkness. Cajoling me with it's melody, teasing me with its rhythms. Finally i stepped into the next room, thankful that there was not a single soul there to knock me out senseless. The room was empty as a cracked eggshell. Relieved i was, that at least they only decided to do something to my room, rather than attacking me with various torture materials ranging from face-powder to wheatflour, to eggs and lotion. Teeth-shattering. OoOh.

I discovered that there was a small mess in the middle of the room- created by a combination of cut-out colour paper, glue, scissors, and hastiness. I was touched.

To be honest, the whole day i've had a feeling that they were planning something for my birthday; locked doors, hushed tones, and creepy glances.. They all acted like a group of criminals, scheming on a cover-up for their latest gruesome murder. I knew something was up, but i just kept quiet because i knew they wanted me to be surprised. By the time the clock struck 12.00 midnight, i just braced myself.

And now this.

Me, alone in the next room. Wondering, guessing, pondering; on what the hell they're doing to my most beloved room. While patiently waiting, i entertained myself with games from Mia's computer. Trying to remain calm while awaiting my fate as a birthday girl in this house occupied with twisted and troubled minds, harbouring demented ideas.

Then the door to my room was unlocked, and i cautiously held on to the doorknob, slowly opening the door in fear. To my surprise, nobody was in my room any longer. I conjectured that they all ran into the next room via the connecting bathroom doors. But then i realised something what was different. My desk!

Awesome~~~

Aww. It was the sweetest thing...

There were cards, signs, and presents on my table. All neatly and creatively arranged; as to be expected from "creative" architecture students. (Oh really?)

After reading all the cards, (plus a poem from Tati), i decided to enter the next door and meet my sweetie pies.

Stepping into the next room, i was suddenly ambushed by buckets of water! YOWZA..!
My clothes were drenched with water,water, and more water..

So much for those so-called sweetie pies.. hemmpph.

"Happy Happy Birthday!! Ur Old!!"

hwahwahwa.. So they did attack me after all. Albeit with a "tamer" material.. I should've known! These people are never to be trusted! :D


~Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to Nadon..
Happy bithday to you....~

So after that, they forced me to put on the (beautifully designed) masquerade mask and fed me cake one by one. They bought slices of different flavoured cakes from 'Secret Recipe', and i got to taste each and every one of them. Yumms.

Nad aplogised for not throwing a grander party for me, and for the scarceness of people attending my birthday celebration. I wanted to tell her that this was exactly what i want; i've never liked big parties. In fact, i was touched that they bought cake, presents, and took the time to make all those lovely cards for me on my special day. I knew for a fact that they were all pathetically BROKE, desperate people.. Haha.

Thank you, my dear housemates. It was fantastico~~~

After the stomach stuffing, we played make-up and camwhored (yes, it's a word now) until 4.00 a.m. in the morning. It's horribly narcissistic; but it was fun nonetheless! I immensely enjoyed dolling up Mia and Yeanna, since they've never been made up before. It was hilarious seeing them in glamorous make-up. Haha. I always knew they were gorgeous women.. (rigghtt....) hehe. Yes they were. Below are pictures of me--made up by Mia and her creative, anime-drawing hands.

So that, readers, was how i celebrated my 19th bithday with my homies. It's nothing grand; a very small and private affair i suppose-- but great nonetheless.

The next Monday my classmates wished me belated birthdays. I appreciated that. Hoho. Ya and Mia gave me clothes, Nana gave me a lip gloss, Tati gave me a masquerade mask, and Atiqah, Syireen, Y, and Fadli gave me their, urm, smiles? Haha. Thank you, i knew your smiles are the most "expensive" ones. Squeeeee~~~

And did you know, that i'm the oldest person in that house? Why yes, yes i am. So technically, i'm the senior one and everybody in the house should do my bidding! Ahah. This month there are three people in my house who is be celebrating their coming-of-ages; Myself, my roommate (Nana), and Mia. So on to the next victim! *Grins diabolically..

That's all~ Adios. ^^

(I realised that only the beginning part of my post was somewhat "descriptive". The last parts were all just crappy writing. Darn. Apologies~~)

Insomnia

I went to Greenway the other day; you know, the grocery store at Centrepoint- where the items are overpriced and it smells way funky and the workers are whistling perverts who make "kissing noises" at you? Yeah, that greenway.

That day I picked my grocery as usual and paid for it, as usual. As i got out of the store i felt something missing; and then i found out what it was.

What did i pay for? Groceries.
Where is it now? Not in my hands.
Am i that stupid? Apparently yes.
I turn back to find that my groceries are still there at the paying counter.

Genius i tell you, Genius! hahaha.

The other day i bought roti canai at the cafe, and as i seated myself at a table, i forgot to get the curry, and the spoon and fork. Dangit.

I pay the canteen guy for my mineral water and i went away before he could even give me one.
Get me a nobel prize, will ya?? Huih.

Actually I think i know why i've been acting more absent-mindedly than usual..

I think i've been getting insomnia lately. I just can't sleep at night, and these days i tend to sleep at 4.00 or 4.30 a.m., which is extremely good for my health.
The next day i wake up looking like a cross between Kung Fu Panda and a zombie. Oh BEAUTY.. Feeling crabby and crappy all the same.

Problem is, i don't know why i'm suddenly an insomniac..




I simply just don't feel like sleeping . A few hours later the alarm rings and i have to wake up at 9 a.m. for college; and i kick myself in the a$$ for not sleeping earlier the night before. then i get cranky and i curse at a speed of 989 kilometres per hour in my head. Horrible.

I wish there was a drug to pop me right back into life. Coffee just doesn't work for me. It honestly does nothing to me. I feel so sorry for Miss Effa especially, since i always tend to sleep in her class. Not because she doesn't teach well, it's just that i really hate maths and when i'm sleepy i have and even stronger desire to murder whoever it was who invented maths. And then i shake it off by sleeping. Way to go... This is totally the way to get higher maths marks i assure you.. Meh.

I've read on the news once that sleep deprivation can lower your IQ. Oh noes....! My IQ is already unstable lately. It fluctuates from sheer stupidity to normal more often than not. Now how am i going to answer all those easy AUSMAT questions??? I need my IQ! *worries..*

I've searched the internet on tips for better sleep at night. These are what i got:

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco. Coffee, tea, chocolate, and cola drinks are all high in caffeine. Although alcohol is a depressant, research has shown that it, as well as tobacco, upsets sleep patterns and prevents people from experiencing a deep rest. Avoid all of these substances four to six hours before bedtime.

* Engage in daily physical exercise. People with office jobs have far more trouble with insomnia than people whose work is physical in nature. Fifteen minutes a day of exercise will give your body the activity and oxygen it needs to help you relax more and sleep longer.

* Reserve your bed for the purpose of sleep. When you get into bed, your body should be programmed to shut down and get rest. So avoid eating, reading, working, or watching television in bed. It will confuse your body and prolong the process of getting to sleep.

* Sleep in a well-ventilated room. Fresh air and a room temperature between 60 and 65 degrees will provide the best sleeping conditions. Keep the thermostat down and adjust your temperature from inside the bed with the appropriate amount of sheets or blankets.

So i'm trying my best to follow some tips here and there; to help me get through the night peacefully. But for one, i don't drink coffee, so i guess the first tip is useless for me. I hate excercising, so the second tip is a huge challenge of epic propotions for my lazy, lazy bottom... I presume the only tip i'm able to do is the third one, which is try to make my bed a real bed; not a place to eat or to study or to watch movies.. Owhh my.

I didn't know sleeping could be so hard... T_T.

Gambate! Sleep Nadon, sleep~~ (-_-)zzzzzZZZzz